Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
