Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
