hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
