How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
