Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
