my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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