Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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