if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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