Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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