i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
