i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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