You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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