see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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