I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
