i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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