In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Found your dick twin last night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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