don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
