I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
