I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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