So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
