two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
