I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
cat food counts as protein by the way
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
