I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
