That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
