We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
