Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
