im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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