haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
