you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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