Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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