omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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