He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
