I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
