oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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