oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize