woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize