im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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