i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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