Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
