Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Your penis caused this!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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