I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
