Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
