She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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