WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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