He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
