No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
