Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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