If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
