We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
