took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
