I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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