i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
