There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
