did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You can't motorboat a personality
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
