I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
