I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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