So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize