STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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