Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
