college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Alive.
So much puke
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
