What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
