make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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