yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
