I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
