Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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