You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
