Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
