Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
