escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
